Most Unexpected
by Sandileina
Summary: Marui and Akaya read one of Yanagi’s notebooks and find out things they never knew about their teammates. And yes, Sanada… It’s true, Atobe has been making attempts on your cap’s life… Short, crazy crack.


**Disclaimer: **Here's a random fact: Armadillos can walk underwater. Here's another random fact: I don't own Prince of Tennis, or any of the characters. :)

**Rating: **PG?

**Warnings: **Some language, mentions of shounen-ai/yaoi, total, random crackness

**Summary: **Marui and Akaya read one of Yanagi's notebooks and find out things they never knew about their teammates. And yes, Sanada… It's true, Atobe _has_ been making attempts on your cap's life… Short, crazy crack.

**Author's notes:** Another Rikkai drabblething. **You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit. **The drabblething list goes:

**Times of Stress**

**Passing the Time**

**How to ask out Marui Bunta**

**Four Days Later**

**October Ice**

**Because I Love You**

**Evil**

**Further Nonsense**

**Dear Diary**

**Kind of… the same**

**100 Word Challenges**

**Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma**

**Doctor, doctor!**

**The Woes of Solomon Grundy**

**I'm Not Going**

**The Little Things**

**I Had To**

**He WHAT?!**

**Operation: Christmas Party**

**Being Fukubuchou**

**Once Upon a Time**

**My Brother Bunta**

**Dear Diary: Living with Niou-senpai**

**A Morning at the Pool**

**This is Love**

**SFRR**

**And So It Begins**

**Most Unexpected**

Gee, I'm really going on a Drabblething writing spree here, aren't I :o I think it's the thought of my exams. I just can't stand it… so I write these. ;pp So sue me.

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"Oh my god."

"…"

"Oh my _god_."

"… Wow."

"Oh my GOD!"

"Bloody hell."

"Ok, that's it," Sanada muttered, more to himself than anyone else. "I have to ask. What in the world are you two reading?"

"Have you _seen_ this?!" Marui demanded, not looking up.

"Seen what?" Despite himself, Sanada got up and went over to the other end of the library table, peering over Marui's shoulder. He frowned, blinked a couple of times, then straightened up. "It's nonsense. It doesn't mean anything."

"It's in code. You have to read the first word, then the fifth, then the second, then the sixth, etc. Until you get to every twentieth word, in which case you work out the kanji's alphabetisation and put it backwards. Then start jumping back and forth again."

Sanada gaped. "… Good lord, who wrote this? And how can they be bothered to write in such a random code?"

"It's one of Yanagi-senpai's databooks," Akaya said, green eyes darting back and forth across the neat lines. "Niou-senpai got annoyed with him, so he stole it. Then found it was in code. So he spent most of last night working out how to decode it."

Sometimes, Sanada really, really, quite desperately worried for his teammates. "I didn't know Renji was quite so… paranoid." He chose to put Niou aside for now.

"Well, he does spend a lot of time around Aka-chan and 'Haru."

"And you," Akaya pointed out.

"Yeah. And Mura."

"And Jackal-senpai."

"So, yeah, pretty much the whole team. Bar you, fukubuchou."

Sanada shut his eyes a second, gathering his sanity in preparation for submersion. "So what are you reading in Renji's notebook that's fascinating you two so much?"

"This bit's titled 'Unexpected factors to include in future data assessments,'" Marui explained. "It's amazing. Look, look, this bit. Eighth of January, 5:12 pm. Yagyuu said, whilst cleaning up the clubhouse and accidentally tripping over his golf clubs, 'Damn things. Maybe I should give up golf'."

Sanada looked vaguely confused. "And?"

"What do you mean, and? It's Yagyuu! He's got a total golf hard-on!"

"Marui!"

"Well, he does," their self-proclaimed tensai said defensively.

"Don't say things like that, all the same."

"Yeah, yeah. But there's all kinds of random, weird stuff in here. Did you know that Jackal gets nightmares about being eaten by a giant, bald penguin?"

"… What?"

"Or, or, that Atobe hates your cap?"

"My cap? No he doesn't." Although, that would kind of explain why Atobe refused to let Sanada wear it in his presence… But, no, that couldn't be true. No-one could possibly hate the cap. It was comfy, warm, _and_ it gave protection from the sun's glare. It was a King amongst-

"Hello? Fukubuchou?"

Sanada started. "Hmm, what?"

"I said, yes he does, and according to this he's made three attempts to secretly get rid of it."

No. No, that couldn't be true!

"He's made attempts on my cap's life?"

"Yep. Lessee… First time was October 23rd and he kicked it out the window when you were making out."

Oh, that's why it was on the path outside. "I thought it just fell out…"

"Second time was December 12th and he put catnip in it and threw it at the cook's half-feral cat."

"I did think it smelt a bit like catnip when I rescued it…"

"Third time was February 1st. He set fire to it."

"I _knew_ there was no such thing as a poltergeist that made random headwear spontaneously combust…"

Marui looked solemnly at him. "I think Atobe might have a slight problem with your cap."

"No… It can't be true…"

"You're dating a maniac, fukubuchou," Akaya said earnestly, finally looking up from the notebook. "He's made three murder attempts. Next time you see him might be the last time you see your cap."

Sanada touched the brim, needing the reassurance that it was still on his head. "What… what should I do?"

"It's not too late," Marui said. "Phone him, fukubuchou. Explain that you need the cap in your life and that you love Atobe just as much as it, if not more, but that you'd never ever cheat on him with the cap. Emphasise that you're just good friends."

"And maybe mention the need for some professional help?" Akaya suggested.

"Yes… yes, I will." Nodding decisively, Sanada started to head out of the library. "Thanks, Marui, Akaya."

"Don't mention it!" Marui called, waving wildly. He and Akaya turned back to the notebook and continued reading, fascinated.

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"You're very devious, Mura."

"Thank you, Renji."

"Although, I do think Atobe might be confused beyond his capacity."

"Well, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Probably, yes… You know, there _were_ easier ways to keep Marui and Akaya in the library for a couple of hours."

"Ah, but this was the most fun. Besides, I think it'll do them good to know some more about their teammates, don't you think?"

"I suppose so. Still."

"You're not sulking about revealing some of your precious data now, are you?"

"I don't sulk, Mura."

"Officially, no. Unofficially is a different story, ne?"

"Well, I just think giving Marui and Akaya one of my notebooks is overkill, considering the only reason you wanted them in there for a couple of hours was so that you could play a quiet match with Akutagawa."

"Jirou-kun is very sweet. I could hardly refuse when he asked for a match, could I?"

"You just have a weakness for innocence. I hold Akaya responsible. It took me a very long time to code all that data."

"And I'm sure it took 'Haru a very long time to decode it."

"You do realise the danger of him finding out that you manipulated him, yes?"

"Don't worry. I organised it so that none of them, save Genichiroh and Atobe, will remember this tomorrow."

"How?"

"Ah, well. A certain professional hypnotist owes me a little favour."

"Dare I ask why?"

"Let's just say that I do _not_ appreciate being taken for a girl."

"… Ah."

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Sandy: My excuse is that I needed the crack. –Nods wisely-

And I shall return tomorrow (or possibly the day after) with Fuji's birthday fic:D

Please, please leave a review :) And if you could include your favourite quote from this or any other drabblething, then that would be absolutely beyond fabbity and well into the realm of fantasmic. x3 Please? Reviews feed me… xD

Until next time!


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